Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

My wonder leads to adventures. This adventure led me to discover white culture.
Hoping to understand the white person’s perspective on gender issues, such as, the glass ceilings in light of Sheryl Sandberg’s, Lean In, I was fortune to meet a willing white person whose sentiments resonated because of his honesty.

Roles of white men and white women are changing. Many white men do better jobs than women as parents, than I do– many white males appreciate, take time to bond—they take this role very seriously, men who do not spoil perceptions of all men.

Okay, there are monetary rewards to white men, such as no child support (with shared custody) and with an end to lifetime alimony, white women bravely take it in the heart. However, watch out for the next round.

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“Shhhhhh, speak softly and gingerly, listen: nuances blow gently, steady they go, floating through bodies pervading minds–yield not to the winds of acceptance, listen,….shhhhhh, embrace the harsh, biting winds of change.”

White Guy’s Perspective

Mr. White Guy is a typical middle-aged person, successful, unknowingly overworked, and burnt by some white woman.   His insights capture the sentiments of significant number of white men.

He is a self-made man, rising through the ranks to land comfortably in the middle- upper management of corporate America.     With over 30 years’ experience, he experienced the changing roles first hand.

White Guy has more credibility than  paid white pundits with scripted messages that are based on polls.   Some are mavens,knowing the literature as well as they do, disappointingly, most lack their own opinions, and  are  rarely courageous to  honestly share,  unlike  Mr. White Guy.

Thank you, white guy for your honest opinions and the courage to share !

My question  to Mr White Guy:     What are your thoughts on the gender issue?

To get there we had to build rapport and trust.   White Guy and I had  raw, salty and passionate discourses where we gave each other food for thought.    Here are his three main points:

1: “Women are Spoiling it For Men.” Men are more conflict tolerant in the workplace compared to women.

Men lament the old days marked by spirited raw salty debates. Essentially, men can no longer tell dirty jokes or make crass remarks  on the job. Some businesses take  a mindless blanket  color blind approach, squashing conflict to protect the company’s liability.

White women are disrupting the White Male code of conduct, making it challenging for men to feel comfortable in their own skin.

Example 1: In the Board Room, white men can argue even dislike each other, break for golf, tea or drinks, and have a jolly good time waiting for revenge.   In the ‘good old days of the wild west’, white men just killed each other out of HONOR –thank goodness white men have seemingly evolved.

2.  Most successful women  usually  “Bitch “  their way to the top–women fighting. That  was rather harsh.

What is Bitching?  Anytime a woman opens her mouth in disagreement.

Example 2:   If example one was of women, there would be no jolly  good time together…just bitching.  Some white women never leave the office emotionally, some become incessant at bitching like those women above fighting for their rights.

3: Most women do not understand the unspoken rules of the “Old Boy’s Network.” Those that do become successful.

White Guy provided the example of the new man on a team in a meeting. A man will first determine the pecking order, then where he fits in that order, then conduct himself accordingly.

• I guess women find that challenging. Successful women overcome this challenge as they begin to understand and play the game.

White guy’s view was white women tend to go on and on and on and on (me included)……………….That is a problem not only for men but also for women.   It appears women do not  gracefully let go; it has something to do with our struggle to compartmentalize, a strength in men.   White women  who succeed  often take on a male persona or are viewed  as cold B*tches.

His, white guy,  observations were on target. They form the framework of white culture.  A culture I lived in all my life yet never quite appreciated until then.

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Hmmm…