You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare and expect to win. -Zig Ziglar
Winning is a mindset. You have to believe, know and prepare to win. One of the problems I faced growing up was fear of winning or having my dreams come true. I felt more comfortable with defeat or disappointment than victory. Never understood why that was the case?
“………but to be a winner, you must plan to win…….” ……..and make sure someone else loses. “Winning” what a great concept, eh? And you know what’s even worse? The “win/win” hype. Misleading crap, that’s what it is.
Oh well, you knew my take on this already for a long time. Remember https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/glory-competing-roald-michel/ and https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/playing-chess-roald-michel/
Why is win/win crap?
Because “winning” is a concept belonging to a society which is based on competition, war, superiority/inferiority, racism, homophobia, patriarchal values, and……..um……do I need to say more?
I noticed you read one of the two articles I posted in this thread. So you must know now that competition in the end will lead to destruction, while on the way to that situation, will make lots of people’s lives even more miserable than it already is. Not my cup of tea.
People talking “win/win” are either gullible fools, ignorant bystanders, or hypocritical assholes. (Oh dear, how’s that for an insult, eh?)
Let me get this winning is bad yet you brag about your wins at every opportunity. That maybe because it’s a zero-sum game that you enjoy.
I don’t see it that way. It’s a mindset that is along a spectrum not a concept of abstract thoughts.
Yeah sure there are people who make winning a bad thing. At my local Schools they use to list on the wall all the children who made honor roll. They stopped because parents whose children were not on the list complained. That was essentially a slap in the face for kids who worked hard to get excellent grades and win a place on the honor roll.
The other side of competition is that it leads to creativity and innovations. Are those destructive concepts?
What is your suggestion to replace the mindset of a winner?
I’have never bragged in my life ever. It’s just what you want(ed) to see. Oh shit, maybe once or twice, for instance when a person didn’t commit suicide because I was there to help that person go on with it.
Re: “The other side of competition is that it leads to creativity and innovations.” There is no other side. The creativity and innovations YOU see (oh sure, and a couple of billion others) are just called like that to make competition look great, fantastic, sublime, etc within the patriarchal way of life.
My suggestion? Didn’t get that yet? OK, here it is again. Collaboration instead of competition. Examples? 1. Sociocracy. 2. The Venus project.
I believe you know I firmly embrace collaboration. Isn’t collaboration/cooperation a win-win situation where people work towards a common goal or a shared vision? The collaborative process involves a bit of competition on many levels as you balance your motives with those of the group. Isn’t compromise a part of the collaborative process? You have to compromise on some level in order to collaborate.
Is competition in sports, in chess and excellent customer experience terrible? Don’t they lead to improvement?
As I said, I don’t think competition has to be fierce or zero-sum.
Competition and collaboration only go hand in hand when there still is a “us-vs-them” situation. Then “we” collaborate to make “them” lose.
Like I already said, compromise only arises within a power difference situation, and is only hidden competition. As soon as the power difference is not perceived as such anymore, the compromise will disappear like snow for the sun.
Competition is sports? Only fostering a win-lose mentality. Have you read my article on chess?
Instead of damning the winning mindset, people should be comfortable and able to cope with conflict, failure and losing without resorting to rudeness, threats or violence. Doesn’t failure along the way to your dreams make you a better person if you never, ever give up?
I never ever will give up the “fight” against the pathology of normalcy, of which competition is an major example. I will mock it, ridicule it, laugh at it, and inform my clients, and others who cross my roads occasionally, about it.
For the time being this often will resemble Don Quixote fighting his windmills, but that’s OK with me, as I’m not taking myself too seriously when following my “dreams”. For instance, I’m the one who’s also busy with creating his own Afterlife, remember? Not many people believe this could even be a possibility (little do they know). Banning competition from society is, though.
And……….all this is fun too!
Your focus is off. It should be to toughen people so they become comfortable with adversity. Lots of people don’t try because of the fear of failure.
This is similar to gun control. Personally I don’t think guns are the problem but rather armed people who have little to no emotional intelligence.
Same here, competition is not the problem. It’s the response to losing or winning that leads to corruption, ill-feelings and violence. People who respond in this manner need therapy, not acceptance of their behavior and the damning of competition.
Compromise and cooperation are crucial to collaboration. Your definition appears to narrow the scope of collaboration. There are always power differences. It’s rare that all groups or stakeholders are on equal footing.
People collaborate when they see how collaboration benefits them. You have to appeal to one’s selfish nature for collaboration to work. It’s not entirely altruistic. People work together when they see the benefits of doing so. Collaboration is not a selfless process.
Your approach is one of patching the wounds of a dying soldier, of giving palliative care to a terminally ill patient, of repairing the leaks of a sinking ship doomed to end up at the bottom of the ocean. Great, focus on that, ease the pain, delay the end a bit, and feel good about it. I too am still on that ship, occasionally helping out to keep it floating so I don’t will go under and drown before the new one I’m helping to build is ready to sail.
As a therapist I focus on the particular misery my clients are in, and approach them the way they want to be approached, which is often staying in their misery and only wanting it to become less intense, so they can handle their crap. But then there are also those daredevils, those dreamers, those thrill seekers yearning to go beyond that, to find out what’s behind the horizon, even willing to burn a not yet sinking ship to get there. Together we’re going to search for what I called “manganese nodules”. Read my article “Psychotherapy on and in the Water” https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/psychotherapy-water-roald-michel/
Collaboration you say? In the setting you referred to? In that world were competition is celebrated as a wonderful thing, as a tool to make a better world? Yuck! Huh? Why yuck? Because weapons of mass destruction were also based on that. Concentration camps were also built on that. People working together to win, and make others lose. Keeping “we the collaborating ones- against- them the collaborating ones” alive. Yes, yuck! Not for me. But you go on constructing a better world, while I go for a different one.
ASE!!!!!! I always plan to win and NEVER fail.
That’s my anonymous comment, sorry didn’t sign in.
That’s the right attitude! Is ASE =anglo-saxon elitist?
My take on this is by winning someone else has to lose. So to not cause distress on others, such as their company collapses because you stole their customers, find your niche and offer something they cannot and just be your best.
The above quote is very capitalistic, and with the believing, narcissistic.
As for a ‘fear of success’ rather than the obvious ‘fear of failure’, I think the reasons are several: one being a ‘compensatory narcissist’ cannot any longer get pity for being a martyr; and another being, once one has achieved their goal then what next?
So to avoid the former dissonance, become a ‘rescuer’ and get validation from positive feedback. And for the latter, never be complacent and keep aiming to achieve till one’s retirement, even death.
I hope I’ve helped?
Hi Pete, you bought out great points. I don’t think winning has to be a zero-sum process. We all can be winners with a fair compromise. Believing in yourself is not narcissism or being competitive and wanting to win is not an anti-social personality disorder. That’s why we need to appreciate the overlap of symptoms between what is considered “normal” behaviors and abnormal behaviors or unhealthy responses to stress.
Are you referring to man behind the quote? Zig Ziglar
“………with a fair compromise.” Compromise is even worse. Why? Because it’s competition on the sly, based on perception of power difference.
I just responded and absolutely disagree with you. People can make love a dirty concept by focusing on nasty breakups. You are taking winning to an extreme to “win” your point.
Seems to me it’s YOU who wants to win this. So here it is: YOU WIN! You’re the champ now. you’re # 1. You defeated me. I’m the loser.
Ah yes, I simply love extreme stuff. For instance, kicking competition out of people’s mindset, completely, totally, without any possibility of return.
Um….if there still was a possibility to upload an image here, I would have posted a really (known) wonderful one within this context.
I admit to enjoying a good discussion. I look at our discussions an opportunity to learn and reflect. I don’t understand, why would you consider it a competition?
As for uploading images, I noticed that too. I’ll ask. How did you send me images in the past?
Re: “……why would you consider it a competition?” I didn’t. It was you who wrote: “….. to “win” your point.”
Re: “How did you send me images in the past?” I believe there was an icon for that.
I wrote “win” in the context of the post which was about winning.
Uploading Images: I thought so.