FFT: Questions For Black Women

Food For Thought:  Questions For Black Women


NO. Why? Black men have disseminated their sperm cells, but very few are good fathers or husbands.  They don’t have good role models.


Yes! Black women have misplaced loyalty towards black men who often take advantage of them and treat them poorly. Black women have come to accept their roles as hoes and baby mammas to unemployed, uneducated black men most of whom are ex-convicts. What kind of future is that?


Yes, if black women want to escape poverty and want a future for their children, they should consider marrying outside of the American black culture. Not all of us are as lucky as Michelle Obama, besides there are rumors Barack may prefer men to women.  That is a big problem within the black community reducing the number of available black men.   Too many prefer other men or white women, leaving most black women single if they refuse to date or marry outside their race.

This is off-topic but have you noticed many black women look like black men?  I started seeing this on TV shows like The Wire, and it’s becoming a disturbing trend.

Frankly, many black people carry themselves in such a way that even I am scared when I see them, and I’m black.  What happened to hygiene and pride in one’s appearance?

Is our race adapting in ways that will ultimately lead to our demise?


Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

56 thoughts on “FFT: Questions For Black Women

  1. I’m amazed you have actually realised all the above. I really want to see African-Americans fulfill MLK’s dream. Yet many or most are their own worst enemy. They need to drop the chip on their shoulder. Then they will be respected by non-Blacks and, more importantly, have better self respect.

    Slavery caused Black Americans to have a double consciousness, one being how they feel inside as opposed to how they perceive others see them. As long as they display that victimhood they won’t get a single consciousness.

    It’s up to the likes of you, Angela, to raise the game….

      1. The intelligence of black people is impressive especially those without formal education. I am blown away by their wisdom and survival skills. That may come from being the first people on earth.

  2. Bad mood again when you typed this? Must be, as this piece consists of one generalization after another. Sure there are assholes among your tribe (as you like to call it), but so there are all over what you and a couple of billion others call the “races”.

    Um…..may I remind you that there are no races? Only racism. And that shitty behavior depends on copying and imitating shitty behavior of shitty individuals by people identifying with them and then together form groups with some kind of code, etiquette, protocol, and ………wait for it………..laws, to give their shitty behavior more substance, shine, right to exist, and to attract other people with the need to belong to a herd? Then, at one end of the continuum we get gangs and cults…………..and at the other side, religions and countries. And again, all rooted in shitty “we-against-them” tradition.

    Another question for “Black Women”: Are some of you unworthy of “Black Men”?
    Ugh…..”unworthy”. What a word! Yuck. Guess it fits the mentality of the Righteous Ones Club, though.

    1. This post was written because I see too many young and beautiful, single black women. I want them to find mates before they get old like me.

      “Must be, as this piece consists of one generalization after another.” White people generalize all the time to make their points, so I’m following the footsteps of the great ones to make my point.

      “Another question for “Black Women”: Are some of you unworthy of “Black Men”?” Single black moms give most black men life, so my response is no. I will admit that some black women should never be moms, but I can say that about women of all races.

      Race started as a social construct but now has a life of its own. Race divides us like it or not.

      1. Re: “White people generalize all the time to make their points, so I’m following the footsteps of the great ones to make my point.” You mean because someone is stealing, you should do the same? Or, because someone is a racist, you should be one too?
        Apart from that, do you really believe that people who generalize are making points?

        Re: “Race divides us like it or not.” Yeah, you want it to be like that. Alas for you, there is no race. Only people who use it have an excuse for looking down on people, justify their shitty behavior, and to have a scapegoat to blame for whatever they want to blame it. Of course it’s also a tool to keep “we-against-them” alive.

        1. Yes, I do believe that generalizations while politically incorrect can be accurate and very helpful.

          No, I don’t want a world of us vs. them. But I’m not going to turn the other cheek or a blind eye. Roald, why does Israel engage in such behaviors then? It’s like cancer that keeps growing killing all those it invades.

          1. Re: “No, I don’t want a world of us vs. them.”? Yes you absolutely do want that world. All your writings point into that direction. You deny this? Of course you do. And if there’s such a thing as phobia, for sure you’re one enjoying it. You deny this? Yes? Of course you do. Sad, very sad.

            I always thought, you meant well. But I’m severely doubting this now. I’m pretty sure, that you’re one of those who desperately are in need of a scapegoat, preferably more than one, to soothe your unbridled hate, and feelings of impotence to change “the world” according to your “vision” of it.

            1. I wanted to experience a campaign of hate. It seems to be trending. Missed an opportunity to write about suicide in vets, a topic dear to me.

              Your response tells me I was successful. I waited for you. Btw, you understand me as well as you think.

            2. Re: “……….suicide in vets, a topic dear to me.” I see, and that’s why you chose of all people and all other resources, to ally with that hate monger Ken O’Keefe.

              Re: “……….suicide in vets, a topic dear to me.” Said the one who excused herself to go places where your dear vets did go, to find out what it really means to be over there. A lot of babble, a lot of righteousness , but no action. Like it was with your beloved Gaza, even when I offered to get you there. Oh yeah, I remember, risks, rewards, and balance. You belong to the types I met during the Vietnam war, those courageous activists who condemned your vets of that time. But they simply turned out to be mundane cowards, the moment I offered them to go with their and fight those damned Yankees, those war criminals as they claimed, a.k.a. your dear vets.

              Re: “Btw, you understand me as well as you think.”? Absolutely, you’re great in hiding your true colors. Are you really Black?

            3. He echoed what I feel. Why are you angry at me for stating facts? Do you deny that the Israelis have waged a war on Palestinian civilians? Or that they are benefiting from the US invasion of Syria? Or that American members of the armed forces are dying for Israeli interests? Or that US taxpayers give billions of financial aid to Israel?

              You can project and call me names and insult me. I will not respond to such childish behavior.

              Can I suggest that instead of attacking Ken O’Keefe or me you attack the points? It’s what Israel is doing that’s bringing out the anger in people. And no amount of money is going to buy the world’s silence.

            4. You know for a long time already what I think of Bibi and his current government. Doesn’t mean I will join the parties that are looking for any possibility to condemn Israel and its citizens, parties that don’t give a damn about what’s happening in Gaza and the West Bank, but only use the plight of the Palestinian people to further their own agendas. And these parties certainly don’t give a damn about Israeli citizens constantly living under the threat of yet another incoming rocket.

              You know for a long time already what my position is regarding the suffering of the Palestinian people. Doesn’t mean I will join the parties playing down the activities of Hamas, Hezbollah, and other groups, exploiting their own people to achieve their ultimate goal, which is, as they say, to wipe Israel off the map, or even applauding same.

              If Americans don’t want to die there, pay money, etcetera, then they shouldn’t do it.

              Re: “………instead of attacking Ken O’Keefe or me you attack the points?” Attacking points is pointless, as it’s always a person who’s making these points. Reason why, if I decide to go in attack mode, I always attack the person, the root of it all. The person in question, or group, should always be aware, that if you hurt me or people I care about, I will hurt you worse, even if that would cost me dearly.

            5. Re: “……..they disagree with you or hurt your feelings.”? Disagree? Feelings” Oy vey! Is THAT what you got from, ” if you hurt me or people I care about, I will hurt you worse, even if that would cost me dearly.”? Disagree? Feelings? I would go out to hurt someone because they have hurt my FEELINGS? Really? Yes? If that is so, then I understand why you ally yourself with shitheads like that O’Keefe fellow: You read something in their diatribes that isn’t there.

              Um……..after all these years, you still didn’t get it? No? Then come to that little window in your box, look outside, and read: “N0body can hurt Roald’s feelings” Farshtaist?

            6. MBA, what about Lilith? Did I spell her name correctly? Not that she would but can’t she hurt your feelings?

              Wanted to make sure that was not what you meant.

            7. Lilith? No, not even Lilith. We both laugh at people whining that their feelings were hurt. We both also believe these so called feelings are not authentic, but simply culture based crap. Reason why we both also laugh at culture, which in our view is a voluntary prison for people who are afraid of freedom.

            8. In Judaism, Lilith the name has a history dating back to Adam and Eve. Lilith came before Eve and rejected Adam. What does the name Lilith mean, MBA?

            9. Re: “What does the name Lilith mean, MBA?” Is that a real question? Haven’t you searched for it yourself? If so, I’m sure you found the demon, the monster, and all that other shit written and told about her. Maybe you also found “Night Creature”? Yes? That would come a bit closer to reality as, like me, she loves darkness.

              Lilith’s name is just that: Lilith. Any additional description about what she’s about would do her short. He name speaks for itself. Well…..um………for (most of) the Other People. So not for Mainstreamers, infected as they are with patriarchal and religious dogmas, as well as the “we-against-them” virus.

              As a counterweight to all the slander, insinuations, and demonizing, that has come her way, I occasionally take it upon myself to help Mainstreamers a bit out about this magnificent woman. Here are a few snippets of what I wrote:

              Lilith is the one who truly stood up to the patriarch, laughed at him, then left him somewhere to rot, and went on doing things her way. She still does. Of course the patriarch couldn’t live with this, had to slander her, hence created a smear campaign, made a demon out of her, and ran a few workshops to teach his brethren and sisters how people daring to stand out of the crowd and disobey so called authorities, must be treated. Politicians learned from him too.
              Lilith is the seductress, the one who makes love to males and females alike. She’s the archetype of freedom, assertiveness, integrity, and honesty. She doesn’t take no for an answer, and will always have her way. She’s extremely beautiful, erratic, moody, sensual, playful, radiating independence, and never ages. When she’s entering a store, a restaurant, an opera house, a gallery, or a sleazy underground bar, there’s instant silence. When she’s dancing, time stands still. When she decides to have a sexual encounter, it will mark the life of the chosen one, and the experience will be engraved in his/her soul forever.
              When Lilith and I are playing our regular game of chess, we sometimes chat about all the babble and gossip still going on about her since ancient times. I once told her about the two passages in the Bible within which she’s mentioned. She looked at me as only she can look at a person, and laughed as only she can laugh. Little do humans know about her.

              Nuff said 😈

            10. “Lilith is the seductress, the one who makes love to males …….. She’s the archetype of freedom, assertiveness, integrity, and honesty. She doesn’t take no for an answer, and will always have her way. She’s extremely beautiful, erratic, moody, sensual, playful, radiating independence, and never ages. When she’s entering a store, a restaurant, an opera house, a gallery, or a sleazy underground bar, there’s instant silence. When she’s dancing, time stands still. When she decides to have a sexual encounter, it will mark the life of the chosen one, and the experience will be engraved in his/her soul forever.” Lilith sounds a lot like me except I don’t make love to females and I can accept no. Hehe

            11. Of course lame WordPress “forgot” about the spaces and numbering I used between the snippets. Oh well, that’s what I usually get in MainstreamLand.

            12. Re: “……except I don’t make love to females and I can accept no.” Those are crucial elements, though. But maybe you descend from one of her daughters? Nah, probably not, as you are not from The Other People.

            13. Let me put in in a different way then: The Other People are alien to deities and the stuff that comes from and with them. You’re not.

              Note: The Other People are not atheists, as atheism is just another religion, as is science, one of their gods.

            14. Like so many in my culture, I battled self-hate and won. It took me a long time to become comfortable with me. Now I have no desire to impress anyone; it’s more about whether someone excites me.

            15. I already included that by writing: “……even if it’s done in a (somewhat) sarcastic way?”

              This kind of sarcasm exposes it even more, and also showing insecurity and not feeling at ease.

            16. Hahaha, you changed “we” in “you” in a hurry. But I saw it just in time.

              And no, that’s your and your vassals MO, not mine.

            17. Initially, I used “we” because it is in my culture, specifically my communication style, to be inclusive. Then I realized you would get stuck on it as you did.

            18. Re: “my culture”; “my communication style”? Defensive babble.

              Re: “to be inclusive”? Very trendy that. Also a nice example to disguise “we-against-them”.

              You’re “fighting” for a “better world”? Time to leave that shit, then.

            19. Let’s make your comments constructive feedback. You take issue with my approach, and I’d like to understand where you are coming from.

              “Re: “my culture”; “my communication style”? Defensive babble.”
              Why is the truth defensive babble?

              “Re: “to be inclusive”? Very trendy that. Also a nice example to disguise “we-against-them”.”
              Why is inclusivity or rather respect for our differences “we-against-them”?

              Why do you discourage my desire to make a better world?

            20. Talking about “my culture” and crap alike, is keeping a world alive you say you want to change. And so it is with a lot of stuff. Maybe what Morgan Freeman once said to Mike Wallace will make clear to you what I’m trying to get through to you, and the rest of the mishpokhe, for eons already: >>>> Stop talking about it. I’m going to stop calling you a white man. And I’m going to ask you to stop calling me a black man. I know you as Mike Wallace. You know me as Morgan Freeman. You’re not going to say, “I know this white guy named Mike Wallace.” Hear what I’m saying?”<<<<<

              To make this even more clear to you: The time that Wealthymims5 person declared “I will NEVER condone interracially dating especially with the devils and when a Black person does that, they are SELLOUTS!!!!!”, she promoted “we-against- them”, keeping a world alive from which racism and other filth originated, a world she says she is against.

              Juicy detail: When I told her that Lucitta and I are a so called mixed couple, and thus my Lady, according to this Wealthymims5, is a sellout, she kept silent. As did you btw.

              Re: “Why do you discourage my desire to make a better world?” Apparently you didn’t pick it up, but I was trying to ENcourage you. I always do. Well….um……that was and still is my intention. I failed? Mea maxima culpa, then.

            21. Sounds kumbaya and Danny Glover should know the white world will not let him forget he is black.

              I used to say it’s other people who reminded me I’m black.
              That experience at Tufts Medical Center traumatized me. At a time when I was frightened and scared, my colleagues in medicine laughed at me and left me to suffer in the corner of an ED room. I had multiple facial fractures, I couldn’t open my mouth, and they laughed at the way I was talking. The nurse wanted me to beg her for pain medication. I called their administration for help, and no one responded.

              That administration went on to lie, not very well either as there were apparent inconsistencies in their story. Despite over 20 years of practice, no one believed me. Tuft ED dehumanized me in my medical record by using coded words. No one entertained the possibility that a patient with head trauma, altered mental status, and severe hypertension could have a concussion or injury to the brain. An obvious diagnosis was missed and NO lawyer in Boston would take the case. Five years later, a Jewish friend called lawyers with the same story, and they were lining up to take the case.

              I was diagnosed an alcoholic WITHOUT an alcohol level because I told the medical ED staff I had a glass of wine with dinner. Then I was coded the angry black woman.

              Try as I may I cannot just get over it, especially, when they played dirty and attempted to get my son. And that is another story.

              It’s easy for you to forget about color but I can assure you it’s not easy for a black person because we are always reminded. Further, some memories don’t ever go away so I can never look at the world again without seeing color but I do want to make it a better place.

            22. I don’t forget about color. Nor do I forget about the Jews, the Roma, the Rohingya, the transgender, the DSM-labeled, the Palestinians, the abused women, and all others treated like shit by the assholes of this world. Reason why racists and other lowlifes better stay far away from me, as I will break their face on sight and make them wish they never had left the cunt of their mom. Example? One of them ended up in an ER with a broken skull. I simply love to hate them, mock them, and make them feel utterly small and vulnerable. And I’m good at that. I once “befriended” a KKK club. Then, when everybody thought I was one of them, showed them my true colors. All of this is done in “the world” as I know it. Aiming for a different world, though, I must step away from such actions. And sometimes I try to act accordingly. To be successful as such, doesn’t mean I have to forget about color etc. But I certainly will refuse to ally with people who whine, protest, and call themselves activists, who use racism and other filth, to further their own rotten agendas, no matter what these agendas might be. Meeting me, they will go the same way like the racists etc, they claim they’re fighting.

            23. Roald, I believe I heard the story about you going undercover KKK, several times. It’s a good one.
              “But I certainly will refuse to ally with people who whine, protest, and call themselves activists, who use racism and other filth, to further their own rotten agendas, no matter what these agendas might be”
              Are you referring to me?

            24. YOU asking ME that question made me think: >>> Why the heck did she had the urge to ask me that? After having discussed so many years a variety of subjects, and especially this one, doesn’t she know the answer? <<<

              Note: This Wealthymims5 person is a good example of the people I was referring to while writing “I certainly will refuse to……….”.

            25. BTW, for the record, I am not anti-Semitic. Some of the dearest friends are Jews. I don’t have any Palestinian friends, and I cannot explain the profound effect the suffering over there has on me. But it does, and I can’t ignore the hypocrisy despite my friendships.

            26. Re: “Some of the dearest friends are Jews.” Yeah, I’ve heard THAT before. Just self-defense.

              Re: “……..the profound effect the suffering over there has on me.” What about, for instance, the Rohingya people? Or the more than 2,000,000 deaths in Sudan and the more than 4,000,000 displaced ones over there? What about the abduction of Dinka women and children? What about the attempt of the Janjaweed militias attempting to get rid of 80 black African groups?

            27. Re: “Oh do you imply that because I’m black I should only care about issues that affect Africans or black people?” Only? Again you are trying to circumvent the matter. Just admit that you, like hordes in the UN, only focus on Israel. It doesn’t matter what atrocities happen in the rest of the world. Let’s get Israel. Yay! Africa? Come on. Who cares about a few blacks. Uganda? Mali? Niger? Somalia? Just a few more, eh? Nah, let’s focus on Israel. What about the “non-blacks” in Libya? Huh? Libya? What about Libya? Is something going on there? Oh well, get the fuck outa here, Roald, you white privileged Zionist ass. We want Israel. Let’s get those bastards.

              But OK, have it your way. Out of Africa then. But wait, the Rohingya people are not in Africa. Oh shit, what does it matter. Their skin is not white, right? So they don’t count. But then again there are Palestinians who want to be seen as POC. How about that? Oh, what the fuck. We want Israel.

              (Sigh) Pfffttttt. Now, do the Kurds count? They’re not in Africa. Are they black? Hopefully. So we can throw them in the garbage bin as well. They’re not? You sure? Among those 35 million Kurds are no blacks? So we need another reason not to focus on them? Oh, we’ll find one. We always do. For the cause, eh? The cause to get Israel on its knees.

              B….bu….but what about the violence against millions of women in, for instance, Pakistan and Afghanistan? Can we include people’s misery in Yemen, perhaps? Can we forget the close to 2,8 million women working in Bangladesh under horrible conditions, regularly sexually harassed and incredibly underpaid, so Europeans and North-Americans don’t have to pay much for clothing? There’s Guatemala. Jeez…..what about it? Last year 700 women were murdered because they were female, and almost none of the murderers was punished. Does that matter? Can we feel for the people of North-Korea? Venezuela too? Ever busy with the plight of homosexuals in large parts of the world, especially those crushed and killed in so called Arab societies? Oh, by God and Allah, damn you Roald, we have better things to do. We focus and concentrate on those fuckers in Israel. Those are the real criminals. As for the rest? Hmmm, we can live with them, and we’ll see. But not now. First we have to find a way to really fuck up Israel.

            28. As you rattled on about the atrocities all over the world, I kept thinking, how can we make these atrocities mainstream media coverage? We are only aware of what we know.

              My stance and interest in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict didn’t come overnight. Social media played a role in getting my attention. I then took the time to do research. Palestinians have a right to exist.

              I didn’t learn much about Africa or slavery in school, but I learned a lot about the Holocaust. Growing up the conflict was a major international issue frequently reported on the news. Then like every American I squarely supported Israel. Times have changed. Nazi Germany should have been a deterrent to the war crimes being committed by Israel. Shame on them! Instead of being an example of good they became an example of evil, commiting crimes against humanity on par with Nazi Germany. You already know how I feel.

              Btw, you helped me realize why I’m so passionate about this issue.

            29. Re: “………how can we make these atrocities mainstream media coverage?” We? You! I’m not the one coming online and limiting stuff to one scapegoat. You are.

              Ever heard of Godwin’s Law? You’re writings prove that law has merit.

  3. I HIGHLY disagree with the post. I will NEVER condone interracially dating especially with the devils and when a Black person does that, they are SELLOUTS!!!!! Black men and women are hating each other for no reason instead of healing each other. I’m part of the solution and will NEVER betray my balance.

    1. Thank you for your honest response.

      Let me ask, are you saying you would prefer to be alone than date outside your race? Or would you consider dating an Indian or Asian man?

      It’s not just black men vs. black women hating each other. We sell each other out for a pat on the head or a bone from whites. Did you hear about those black pastors? Did they say Trump was the best president for black people? Unbelievable!

      Have you ever noticed that most cultures hire their own, why don’t we? Look at Oprah, do you think she has more black employees or white employees? Do you think she hires whites over blacks? The optics suggest that is the case.

      When I was in medical school at Yale, many black men slept around with black women, but when it came marrying time, they looked exclusively outside of the black race and didn’t care about betraying their balance.

      Most black women I know feel exactly like you. They would rather die than date a white man. Most don’t find men from other races attractive either.

      With our survival at stake, consider the time we live. One way to quickly reverse the dire trajectory is to marry power. Then use that power to effect change. Asian women, Hispanic women, and white women have all done it. They will marry successful men of any color, acquire their wealth then use that wealth to grab power for themselves. Why are black women so resistant to a path that if played correctly could make life easier?

      Unfortunately, I didn’t think that way when I was young. I was not a very smart young lady.

      With that said, I miss being with black men.

      Sorry for such a lengthy response.

      1. I don’t plan to be alone and my ONLY focus is ONLY on a Black righteous king. Too many Black people have been lost due to the slave mentality and are not self-aware of who they are. Who did our ancestors marry before the devils and other Black nations came in? EACH OTHER!!! I’m about Black Nation Building, NO COMPROMISE!!!! You have admitted missing with Black Men, so you know you are NOT complete without your balance.

        1. What about the numbers? There aren’t enough black men to go around. Remember 1/3 of black men live behind bars. Do you say NO COMPROMISE to the single black woman looking for a partner who could provide support and help raise children?

          Remember, in ancient times as Africans migrated to new lands their complexion and physical appearance changed over time.

          Race, a social construct, was not the big divide it is today. Marriage outside your religion was more of a taboo than race.

          Yes, I do miss being around black people. I can’t breathe where I am.

    2. “I will NEVER condone interracially dating especially with the devils and when a Black person does that, they are SELLOUTS!!!!!” Caramba, they’re sellouts? Really? You mean my Lady is a sellout? Wow!

        1. Re: “What are you talking about?”
          Isn’t it obvious? No? Lemme clear it up for ya then. My Lady is what you call a “Black person” who married what you call a “devil”, me. Se nko ti mo so ye e?

  4. Fifty years ago the marriage rate in the Black community was around 70%! What changed?
    How about women’s lib, welfare, promiscuity, legalize abortion, drugs, mass incarceration etc. But when you get right down to it free sex=less marriages.

  5. It sounds to me like you’re putting all black men in a stereotype bubble, as if there aren’t any successful black men out there. Just because I come across one that that may not have it together, doesn’t mean I’m going to dismiss black men all together. That’s just ridiculously illogical.

    1. Hi there, I see your point. Mine was to give black women flexibility. Too many are single moms going it alone without the help of a man or anyone. It’s personal but I don’t think we should limit our choice to black men only. That I believe is illogical.

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