My Thoughts: My Plight

My Thoughts: My Plight

Usually I can see the light in most situations, but lately, I say why do I bother? The light will lead to a roll a coaster ride anyway. Once fun, now exhausting, draining and unhealthy.

The other day I thought, what would make me happy? My children’s happiness and success, naturally. Their success would make me happy but I’m afraid they will repeat my mistakes, and that could be dangerous in this hostile society. Someone like me was never born to be happy; I finally accepted that.

If I imagined a life full of luxury and without financial woes, I’d still be lonely only wealthy.  That would help.   Bottom line, some of us were never meant to be happy while for others happiness and prosperity were always their destiny.

I want to give those who can be happy and find inner peace more space to do so.  This life is not worth the air I breathe.



Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

6 thoughts on “My Thoughts: My Plight

  1. Angela, probably no-one is happy all the time. Indeed, if they felt so I would consider them mentally ill.

    Also, I really know this to be true, helping others is when I’m happiest. Not being self-serving but serving others who need my help.

    Therefore you help other people and I can assure you that you will be happier. You have so much to offer to various people, including your sons who still need you plus your grandson will much benefit from you around for many more years.

    I will leave it at that! It is my sincere advice and it is what will work for you. Believe me.

    1. Pete, I spent a life helping others. When I was ill and in need of care, my colleagues at Tufts tried to kill me with poor medical care and then paint me as a racist alcoholic when I had a serious head trauma. I could get no help in getting justice. Today I’m a mess, stumbling in the dark. I’ll survive.

      I spent my life caring for everyone but me. Who is caring for me now? Me! I have limited period of time to get my affairs in order.

    2. I’m not gonna BS you and say the warm and fuzzy things people say then kill themselves the next day. I’ll say I have no intentions of killing myself in the immediate future. However suicide is a viable solution to a permanent problem of a messed up life.

  2. Dear Angela,
    I suscribe to Pete´s words, but I would like to add one thing: I had a severe Depression two decades ago (just before I acquired Leucemia). It was horrible. So even without full medical training (I had half of medical studies in between my sociological studies) I must tell you: this is a fullscale Depression requiring medical help. A Depression hinders us from an objective view on our real situation. Let your Family and competent People help you! We, your friends (even only via Internet) need you! Begging you not to give up!
    A big hug

    1. Andreas, I’ve had severe depression. I know what that feels like. This is not depression. This is me looking at my life and society objectively then coming to a decision that I would rather RIP.

      My children are old enough and able to care for themselves. They will be ten times better off with out me and I’ll be at peace.

      True I’m not happy but neither am I depressed just bored and no desire to be with people. Death is not giving up; it’s taking a turn.

      1. Thank you, Andreas.

        Angela, I understand your logic and, if you had a terrible disease or disability, I would excuse your ending your life though morally would be much troubled by that. For any other reason, particularly if one’s ego is unhappy with the lack of attention from others, I cannot forgive it.

        Yes, you don’t care about my approval; I get that! So let’s put it this way: since your father’s suicide there has been a succession of bad luck running through your family line. Some would call it a curse. Well, you can break that and not put your children and grandchildren through the inevitability of more trauma in the family line. See this as a challenge, something for you to succeed in. Give young Brian the best grandma he could ever have. Raise him in your ways.

        You think your sons would prefer your money to you being alive. If so then they are lost souls, something we won’t know though until it’s too late. You might cause them so much heartbreak (a second parent killed them self) they don’t enjoy your estate and even might end their lives.

        Can you risk that?

        Can you let your grandson suffer what you suffered?

        I couldn’t! Instead I would stay alive and make family my job in the last years of my natural life. Most people do. Children with grandparents are blessed.

        These are probably my last words on this subject, Angela. I’ve spent 4 years repeating the above. If thinking about yourself is stronger than your offspring then I cannot add any more.

        Prove me wrong! Go on, stay alive and make a good life for you and them….

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