My Thoughts: When Life Starts To End

I must sound selfish. But no matter how hard I try I can’t get enthused about life or people. What am I to do? No one can help.

I love myself. I’m also deeply unhappy and have been that way for most of my life. Maybe it’s the anniversary or sleepless nights. I only know I get very little pleasure from this life.

What do I do? I have six more years to get my affairs in order.  Stop the dreaming and wake up:  Life sucks!




Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

17 thoughts on “My Thoughts: When Life Starts To End

  1. What can I say? I can only say you´re a beautiful intelligent woman who could contribute to the struggle for a more social, more just and more peaceful world provided you´find some scources for energy!
    And I can only give a big hug!
    Cordial regards

    1. Thanks for the hug, Andreas. Sometimes we all need one even me. I know I am intelligent but there are others better equipped to contribut,create positive change and lead the charge. Those are the people to rally behind.

    1. Thanks for believing in me and you’ve wasted enough time. You need to get back to your businesses. Love you for bringing me this far. I’ll go the rest alone.

      Stop worrying, I’m not a rash person.

  2. Angela I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself. Sometimes if life doesn’t go the way we expect it we deem it a failure. I think you have so much to be proud of and to look forward to. I wonder what you mean that you have six years to get your life in order? If it’s something the Doctors said they make mistakes all the time. As Andreas said I wish I could give a big hug and say to you how much I care! You know how to reach me I’m available anytime!

  3. If I can help you Angela, you know how to reach me. There is some recent research, go get some magic mushroom and reset yourself. Haven’t done them myself for years but I think I’m well overdue myself. I spotted some interesting research, I will dig for it. It’s not right, it’s not supposed to be like that. You should get up and feel like you can change the world Angela Grant, because you are!! Take good care, I’ll send you some stuff! Barb Kueber

      1. I get that, but, why not feel better? We all have a right to feel as well as possible, do we? Anyway, hope you get over your gray period soon, things almost always get better!

        1. I will and the feeling will return but I’m not depressed. I’ve been depressed before this is different. It’s me looking at the world and my life then making the decision they suck.

          1. It does suck. Is there an upside that you get to choose instead of having the decision make for you? It would be for me, there isn’t much I hate more, than to be herded down a cattle ramp or condescended to. Hope you get a chance to enjoy a few minutes outside and some fresh air, if you have that where you are.

  4. Landmark Studies Find that Active Ingredient in Magic Mushrooms May Ease Severe Anxiety and Depression
    “Antidepressants may not help the approximately 40 percent of people with cancer who suffer from a mood disorder. Now, two research teams–one from Johns Hopkins University and the other from New York University (NYU) Langone Medical Center–have published randomized, blinded studies published in The Journal of Psychopharmacology, the results of which show that a single dose of psilocybin, the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, can provide relief from the anxiety and depression in patients being treated for cancer.

    The researchers provided treatment to participants who had life-threatening cancers as well as a psychiatric diagnosis of anxiety or depression. In the Johns Hopkins study, after six months, 78 percent of the participants were less depressed than they started, as rated by a clinician, and 83 percent were less anxious. The New York University study was very similar, with 60 to 80 percent of the participants seeing improvements in various measures of depression and anxiety after six months.”

    Journal article:

    Story via The Atlantic

  5. You have given me hope as you are the first one to really comment my blog as I find yours very insightful. You do a purpose, but you have to talk to your divine self to know what that is.

  6. Your kindness and concern humbled me. Don’t worry; I wouldn’t write a blog post like the short series I wrote only to harm myself. That would be traumatic for loved ones and even people who don’t like me. I would never like to cause others a pain I live with.

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