My Thoughts: Not Digging Life

I’m Not Digging Life!

That doesn’t mean life sucks for everyone, just me. No one would guess I am not digging it. If people who have everything decide to choose death, why shouldn’t I who don’t feel much anymore?

Hauling that fawn into the woods made me think that’s how I’d like to go. Forget the cremation and expensive funerals. Just leave my body to feed the animals.

I can not continue to torture myself living the life I do. I need inner peace too and rest.

This is not a cry for help but mental preparation for the future.

It’s also an anniversary this week.



Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

4 thoughts on “My Thoughts: Not Digging Life

  1. An anniversary that will pass by tomorrow. Also an opportunity to reflect on what good your marriage gave you, the most precious being your sons. Jim in a moment’s madness took his own life. If he hadn’t a gun to hand I doubt he would have died that day. If he could, he will regret what he did and wished he’d been with his boys as they develop into the good young men they are now.

    My brother died from suicide. Every day I think of him, some days I cry. The coroner said the way his body was positioned was indicative of him instantly changing his mind as he jumped. You, he, want the pain to end. Not death.

    We will ensure you have a decent cremation and funeral service. If I outlive you I will fly the 3,000 miles to attend. So, Angela, no more wanting to be left to rot like that fawn did in your local woods. You are a human being.

    Stay with us. Please.

    1. I’m glad you were able to share your brother’s suicide. Suicide is a solution to a problem of intense emotional pain. Pete, me wanting to have animals feast on my dead body is the circle of life that cost nothing. (But knowing the US there will be some ridiculous charge to lay my body in my yard.)

      Anyway, it’s a topic we should feel more comfortable discussing. Just because we avoid the subject doesn’t mean people don’t think about it.

      1. Angela, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. In your mind, right now, draw a line. Then step forwards into the rest of your life. Make it work for you. Show us you have the character to make those steps. Then you will be respected. And admired!

        1. Pete, I don’t care about respect or admiration from anyone. I know my character and don’t feel the need to show anyone anything. You should know the admiration of others is not the way to go for me. It’s never done or meant much for me why should it now?

          Suicide is a permanent solution and that’s good as some problems are permanent. People should have a choice to be part of this world or not. To not accept that is to doom some people to a life of pain.

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