Where Can I Find A Doctor

My medical care is on my mind. I’m not getting the best in NH. I’m dying. My doctors are nice but I am afraid they will not catch anything without me pointing it out. I have to be my doctor.

As for transferring my care to Massachusetts, Tufts Medical Center showed me my life doesn’t matter in MA. The medical community in MA and NH agreed with them. So where does someone like me get medical care?

These are things that keep me up at night. I’m need a doctor like I used to be. One who took care of patients and went beyond routine care. I have not been able to find someone like me. Today most doctors don’t care. They write a script and off you go. You follow up for refills and routine labs while you slowly deteriorate.

Not sure what has gotten into me but I’m not pleased with my medical care. It’s fragmented and there is no one looking at the quality of care. If I died today it would not be recorded as poor care but rather natural cause.

Lately, I think about stopping all medications. I dread calling for refills. The medications poison my system. I don’t know what to do except I am not pleased. I don’t have a sense of well-being when it comes to my medical care. And I don’t know where to go.

Disclaimer: This post comes from the heart and not meant to point fingers at hardworking physicians or our healthcare delivery.


Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

20 thoughts on “Where Can I Find A Doctor

  1. Angela, honey, please talk to your close family and friends there and devise some sort of plan where you can find support. We want you alive and well.

    1. I’m better off figuring it out myself. Everyone has an opinion that does not consider me in the equation. Pete not everyone is meant for this world and the older I get I realize that includes me.

  2. Angela, your life matters. I can relate to what I call the “Cattle Call” of physicians’ “treatment” which like you say, isn’t treatment at all but simply prescribing drugs, most of which mask the issue rather than cure it. Keep your chin up and your hopes higher. If Western medicine isn’t cutting it for you, look for practitioners in Oriental and/or natural medicine.

    1. Xena, I wish I could be as positive as you. I admire your strength. I don’t feel like my doctors take my issues seriously. They see me and like everyone else they think I look great or dismiss my symptoms as related to age. But I didn’t start to ”age” until I hit my head. The field is still new and few doctors know much about traumatic brain injury. My old PCP diagnosed me with”abnormal behavior.” That is why she is my old PCP, she left out the head trauma and the hypertensive crisis.

  3. Exactly, keep it in your own hands. I do. And I’m not even a so called doctor.

    Um……shit on what you’d call Anglo-Saxon philosophy which has indoctrinated you (and a few billion more) with crap like, “depend on others for your well being”.

    1. You are probably right. I need to stop my meds. I’m not getting better just spinning my wheels and now I feel myself separating from the world. I don’t feel connected.

  4. You want to feel something? Hmmmm, feeling empty and tired is not something? And you’re not connected to those? What crap is that?

    Re: “I rarely feel joy only annoyed and easily irritated.” Nothing new there 😈

  5. Never expect help from me. For that you have to rely on all those great friends of yours here. Nothing could hold them back to make you happy, feel joy, and take all your sorrow and misery away. Like your sons, they immediately would come over, and fix your house. Those are your people. Not me.

    1. Roald, I don’t expect help from anyone. I don’t care what happens to me. Everyone wants me to burden my kids, take the joy out of their lives. No! Let them enjoy their lives while young. I would kill myself first rather than burden them. Bad enough poor kids saddled with me for a mom.

  6. Now, don’t make fun of these serious matters, Lady Angela.

    Btw, if I had been your son, I would have enjoyed to put your house in prime condition, and made it your home (again).

    1. They have their lives. Also, I raised them so they have those skillsets. I recall teaching my son to tie a tie. Thank you, Youtube.

      My sons work over 40 hour weeks. They can’t just take time off to take “fix” the house.

      Btw, If the contractors left my house uninhabitable, what makes you think my sons can clean up after them?

  7. Work, contractors, insurance, and whatever could be used as an excuse, I never would have allowed to let my mother live under the conditions you described your house is in now. Your sons should be ashamed of themselves.

    1. If anyone should be ashamed, it is YOU. Some psychologist, without knowledge of the details of my personal life, you, a “professional, ” put down my children. Is that the kind of psychology you practiced?

      Then again I should not have expected any better. Typical and more natural to put down black kids instead of the white men who take advantage. Did you get a rise shaming them or a superiority surge?

      Must be an art to displace blame. Do you acquire it in the wound or learn it from being around each other?

  8. Typical mainstream MOM-babble, defending her offspring no matter what.

    Me being a psychologist or not, a “professional” or not, ashamed or not, knowing the details of your personal life or not, fact is, unless you overdramatized your shit: Your house is a mess, and your sons could (I say should) have helped you out of it, but they didn’t.

    What? Your kids are black? Ay mi madre, another hiatus in my knowledge of the details of your personal life. Mea maxima culpa.

  9. Angela, it’s quite saddening reading this post.

    I know I’m not a doctor or an expert on the medical field. All I can hope for is for you to feel better and to get better. You matter and I hope things can look up in some way, shape, or form. I do apologize for not knowing about tangible solutions, but I don’t want to see you suffer.

    1. Curtis, being a patient I see the limitations of traditional medicine. I’m frustrated at being told it’s age. I wasn’t aging until the head trauma and subsequent stroke. The medications I’m on will surely kill me one day especially if I stop them. I’m damned if I take them and damned if I don’t.

      The other side is does TBI make my frustration worse? Is my blind spot getting larger because of the injury?
      I know you don’t know the answers but your comments make me think. I’m grateful to you for that.

      For the record, I have a great set of doctors just wish the care was more coordinated.

      1. I see. Big pharma certainly has severe issues, but because you’ve been in the medical field in your career, you certainly saw the limitations firsthand. It’s a painful dualism when you put it that way with medicine.

        Thank you. It’s good that I can help even in some small way.

        Gotcha. It’s a shame when there are good doctors out there, but are hindered by the system.

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