Life Lessons: Ask The Tough Questions

The Friend With Benefits

I knew the answer to the question. But I had to ask to confirm.

We had a nine year relationship of fun. One where we rarely argued and rarely spent more than three days together except when we lived in the same city.

Nine years later, we were at a romantic luxurious hotel. I asked him about our relationship. Turned out he didn’t know we had one.

He felt our future rested on the vacation now. I thought, what happened to the nine years? Nothing, it meant nothing. There was no future in our affair of nine years.

Then it came together. In bed, I desired to please him and I did. He didn’t desire the same and he didn’t please me. It didn’t matter if I climaxed so I started to please myself with him in bed. My half of the benefit was in me pleasing myself.

The relationship never grew. It was us having fun. That didn’t bother me because we traveled and that beat being bored and alone at home anytime.

I hesitated to ask the question because I knew what the response would trigger. The end! I’m not getting younger. I desire someone who wants all of me.

In addressing the elephant in the room, I faced my fear that there was no relationship. Now I can move on and stop depositing in his basket.

No regrets and no turning back!

Ask the tough question even if you will not like the answer.

When you get to a certain age, dating should involve conversations about the future, traveling and buying property. You get too old to just be sleeping together and eating out…


Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

13 thoughts on “Life Lessons: Ask The Tough Questions

    1. Rudy, you’re probably right. It was a relationship I returned to in between relationships. Never thought much about it until I realized it affected how I viewed men. Plus, our trips interfered with other plans.

      At my age, one has to be flattered if any man shows interest. So I’m grateful for the experience. Now I want to deposit in one basket and not several.

  1. I’m really sorry to hear about what happened. I don’t know what I can say about that situation, but I really hope you can find happiness and joy in the future.

    1. Thank you Curtis. I never thought I would do friends with benefits. That’s how it evolved. Don’t get me wrong it was fun except for not getting benefits. At this stage, I desire more but I’m grateful for the experience.

      Curtis, once upon a time, I feared growing old alone. I still do but it’s not the end of the world. I’ll find something to occupy my mind and time.

          1. Gotcha. That’s so bizarre how you aren’t getting emails for new blog posts from those you follow. I’ve been getting those notifications, so I wonder what’s going on.

  2. Re: “…….there was no relationship.” Of course there was one. Kind of a threesome/trinity actually, where you got a kick out of sexually pleasing him and yourself, and he was your tool to get to that. I guess In Mainstream-Country this will of course cause some frowning eyebrows and disapproval. But in my world stuff like that is considered great. Why is that? You wanted it. It made you horny. You were in charge, and could use him to do anything you liked. Special and wonderful case of auto-eroticism, I’d say.

    Um…….I could use this as a topic in my next marriage counseling episode on my Facebook page 😛

  3. Of the 4 that I posted on my FB timeline till now, you ❤️ # 4. The other 3 I don’t know, as you didn’t react on those 😛

    Note: Although I am THE expert in the Western World, and more specifically in the Velvet Underground, when it comes to sex, not all my marriage counseling episodes will be about sex. Well…….maybe they will, as when I go “deep”, everything is related to sex.

Share your thoughts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.