It’s a feeling that dominates me daily. Do I need to get up? Does it matter? Will anyone notice or care?
I live alone, so one can see why I might think along those lines when I feel isolated. As my feelings of isolation get worse, oddly, I feel insulated from the onslaught of the outside world. I prefer to be alone than to be in the company of others. Today is one such day. I will attempt to sleep the entire day away.
In the company of others, do I feel embarrassed when I forget my train of thought as I often do? Is it embarrassing to ask the same questions because you forget you asked them before? Is it awkward to leave the house with two different sneakers or forget to brush your teeth or put on deodarant? Why is it depressing the next day when I realize I spend the entire day in bed, and there is no reason not to do the same today. Is this pre-death or pre-heaven? IDK
No one to pull me back to life! And I don’t want anyone to try. That is my life, it’s boring, and I accept the inevitable.
#TBI/Traumatic Brain Injury, Age, Racism, Discrimination, and poor choices all collided to create this bleak future of mine.
Will death be the silver lining for me?