Is A Hardened Heart A Shield For Painful Memories?

My hardened heart is so hard I fear it will break one day. It needs a fortress and a caretaker for protection. I built the fort, and what better caretaker than me.

Sometimes, I think it doesn’t beat anymore, but that can’t be since I am alive. It’s as hard as bricks, yet, I feel. I don’t know why. I still feel.

I thought hardening my heart would eliminate the painful memories ripping me apart. Silly me forgot memories live in the brain, not the heart.


3 thoughts on “Is A Hardened Heart A Shield For Painful Memories?

  1. Re: “I built the fort………” As far as I know, that’s just a metaphor. You’ve never built a real one. So you’re still stuck in the real world, a world Jiddu Krishnamurti once said of: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” I on the other hand, together with Lucitta, built a real one. Nobody could enter it without our permission, not even our yards. One could say, we were living in two different worlds. One we simply had to live in, and one we created ourselves. The latter one was purposely disconnected from the one Krishnamurti was talking about. So whenever it suited us, we closed the place up, and entered our own world, a world where no hardened hearts were needed, a world far away from the one you are still living in. After her death I continued this. Doing so helps me to keep on living, and deal with that other one as well.

    1. I reside in the real world but I was never well adjusted to it. I’ve never had a relationship where I felt safe or protected . I don’t know what that feels like. My hardened heart is a metaphor to protect my shattered heart. In this life, we have to find ways to protect ourselves from a profoundly sick society.

      1. Re: “…….to protect ourselves from a profoundly sick society.” And that’s what i did. Doesn’t mean I don’t use this world and won’t make it work for me when it suits me.

        I never belonged to any organization, party, or whatever. I wasn’t attracted to any of them. On the contrary. The time my parents thought it was a good thing to enroll me with the local boy scouts club (I was 6 years old) the leadership kicked me out within two days 😝 Reason? They told my parents I was violating too many rules, and made fun of them. The real reason? I asked too many questions (yup, one of my many disorders already at that time) and knew more of the woods than the leadership 😊

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