Why bother?

Lately, I have been trying to figure out how I got here and why I can’t stop falling? I thought I hit rock bottom, but that was a cliff. It broke the fall, briefly, but man, was I banged up?

I am juggling too many things for one person. Why bother? It occurred to me that I don’t need a mammogram. If it’s positive, I don’t want treatment. Going through TBI (traumatic brain injury) alone, I can’t do it with cancer too. If I am not going to do screening, why bother to take meds that make me tired, anxious, or suicidal. Along those lines, I don’t need a covid vaccine.

Why bother to fight the inevitable? Instead, I want to plan for the end of my life–no heroic measures or life-saving treatments. I want cremation. How do I start the process? I want to prepay.



Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

17 thoughts on “Why bother?

      1. Let me rephrase — if you had no limitations leaving what as a legacy would inspire you?

  1. Tell your sons you want to be cremated. Once you’re dead they should take care of that. While still alive, do every day what comes to your mind.

    Btw, Lucitta wanted cremation too. Which at the time made sense to me. But now she’s a pile of dust, my thoughts are different.

  2. Hi Angela! Sounds like you didn’t take your mammogram yet so you might find out you’re just fine. Your TMI is making you overthink things. If you’re not on one now switch to a plant base diet, at least 80%. Keep up your exercise routine and try doing some volunteer work. What a roll model you can for people young and old!💯👍🏾🤗

    1. Hi Rudy. Sounds like great advice. Pretty much on a plant base diet except for meat, fish and poultry. 😂

      I would love to volunteer if I ever feel settled or organized enough to have routines. About the mammogram, I must have made an appointment before leaving the office because I have one scheduled for tomorrow.

      1. Oh OK. If that is what makes you feel better, reminds you of having a life worth living, then go and be part of that “gang”, and cherish those silly clichés.

        Knowing you, though, a bit……….you will regret this later on (again) 😛

        Mi link yu up layta.😊

  3. Snap out of it! You have too much to offer and too many people who value your friendship to talk like that. You inspire me to keep pushing with my own recovery. I don’t want to lose a new friend.

Share your thoughts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.