Lately, I’ve felt stronger with more clarity of mind. Still have memory issues, slow processing speed, and substantial organizational issues.
I am learning to have confidence in my convictions. That little gut of mine is always right, even when I don’t understand why it feels the way it does. Now I know to go with it.
Today, I was wiped. I had little sleep, no food in the house, and much to sort out. The BP was elevated too. Sometimes, a day like that means rest, and sometimes it means complete withdrawal from people and, therefore, reduced stress. Today was that day.
I was on Ritalin, my pep pill, to keep me functioning. On the medication, any problem would send me into panic mode. At that point, things seemed hopeless, and sleeping forever to avoid the pain and suffering seemed a good idea.
Since I stopped Ritalin, I have no suicidal thoughts. Since weaning off the beta-blockers, my mind is less foggy. I can think. Without Ritalin, it was hard for me to get up and go in the mornings, but I hope exercise and the lack of beta-blockers will help.
I have had no choice but to be the physician to heal myself. The medications that I was taking for years were making my symptoms worse. The doctors didn’t discover that. I did. It is a tough job to be a patient and your doctor. I wish I didn’t have to be.
Medications sometimes cause more problems than they treat.