Memories as the final day approaches

Photo by Joey Genovese on Unsplash

Jump, then find your wings on the way down.
That’s my survival tip after existing for 35 years in New England.

There are so many things I will miss. The fall foliage. The picturesque and quaint towns. The funny accent that you could hear a mile away. Most of all, I will miss my friends. Some have already left the area, and I lost contact. Both old and new friends, I will miss dearly. They were my lifelines and there for me during some tough times. Life was not easy for me here. I never quite fit in until recently. Now it’s time to go.

So much to think about and so much planning to do. Leaving means confronting fears that I never thought I would encounter, and now I will.

Do you ever jump and hope to find wings on your way down? I do it all the time. It’s how I have survived life.

Author

  • Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

20 thoughts on “Memories as the final day approaches

  1. Dear Angela, I opened my inbox this morning to your title with surprise…and then scanned your text, with much curiosity but no understanding or acceptance. How can I (or any reader?) “Like” this too-cryptic post without at least minimal more information? First, of course: to where are you “leaving”? You note that you “never fit in until quite recently”…ergo, Second: why are you “leaving”? Third: I’m sure I recall your advising your readers of visits to your home by a beloved grandchild, I think a boy; why, then in particular, are you “leaving”? Fourth: is there a specific reason(s) [health? finances?] that require your “leaving”? I’m sure I have other needs for information, but these queries are a start. I’m puzzled, dear Angela…now that you have reached out to your readers in such a puzzling (tantalizing?) fashion, please inform me/us of more details. I/surely we care….

    1. Hi Bob. My bad. I didn’t think anyone wanted the details. Again, I was struck down and this was the only option for me to get back up. I did not want to sleep on the streets of Massachusetts. Let me think about how to provide the details in a way that benefits others by raising awareness.

      1. Sorry, dear Angela. I’m displaying my “intense personality” traits (my daughter says “Asperger’s Syndrome”). Among them: I cannot stop asking questions; I develop an excess of empathy (“I care”); my imagination runs wild. Inevitably, to be sure, I turn off some people. Please “process” in your time and disclose only that which makes you comfortable! Sincerely, with aloha, Bob

  2. Re: “Do you ever jump and hope to find wings on your way down?” I jumped many times without any hope, as I learned not to depend on other people’s actions. Still I mostly landed on my feet. And if not, I licked my wounds and carried on. However, since Lucitta’s death, I have been frozen.

    1. Hi Roald. Time is a healer. I didn’t know Lucitta, but she would not want that for you from what you described. She would like you to live life to its fullest.

      I’ve gotten pretty banged up myself. I don’t know whether I will die in Texas because I will be so bored to death, not knowing anyone. Or will I soar in Texas because there will be opportunities available to me? I will try my best to create the latter environment. I want to live and stop existing!

            1. My son is there. I will be healing there. Covert racism did me in. I hope the healthcare system there doesn’t intentionally harm Black people like here in MA.

            2. It doesn’t make news like gender issues or LBGTQ+, but Black maternal mortality and infant mortality rates rival emerging countries with no doctors for miles. How is that? It implies that when Black women give birth in America, the healthcare system kills both mother and child. Is that intentional? I say HELL YES!

              As for abortion rights taken away, did you know abortion clinics set up shop in Black communities to reduce our numbers? I believe over 80% of the clinics were in Black communities. It will be good to see them leave our communities at least in Texas.

  3. A heart attack or a stroke tends to push you.
    Wings (and batteries) not included.
    You get to reconfigure or build newly, your identity.

  4. I’m still stuck in the hellhole you survived. I found this through doing MCAD research as the attorneys gave droves of “no”s ….still representing myself against them all. I kinda think in some odd way, I’ll be taking some of the torch? I’m not you, my story has a different color, but boy that MA consistentcy in its shameful ways. It’s destroyed in 14 months the health I came to save. And I thought I was sick THEN….well, I wish you the best and if it is any consolation, there’s someone here intent to expose the medical cruelties and systemic hatred…all colors, all forms. Rest up, new friend. You’ve inspired me even after your exit. 😉 I have brain injury as well….I get it. HEAL…wherever it takes you, and against whatever tides that takes. You will be missed here by me. But my blog is soon coming. We are not alone, just so few speak up. Carry on, brave one! And thank you for being transparent and vulnerable to share your story. Very powerful. I am blessed to find it.

    1. Hi Deanna. Thank you for sharing. I learned from your comments.
      “I’m still stuck in the hellhole you survived.”
      Remember, your mind is stuck, not you. I left it for my sanity. The corruption was so deep I saw myself headed down a hole of inevitable destruction. I was deeply wounded and needed to heal with undiagnosed TBI that was tricky and involved reducing stress.

      “You’ve inspired me even after your exit. 😉 I have brain injury as well….I get it”. You inspire me too.
      I hope to inspire people to share their stories. Like what it seems we both experienced at MCAD, corruption needs the spotlight on the dark things they do because they do victims of traumatic events more harm than good. Remaining silent allows them to continue. Writing is a good tool and medium to gain insight and find some solace.
      I am delighted to know you plan to start a blog and carry the torch. 🙂

      I welcome the temporary move to a warmer climate. I plan to continue blogging, hopefully, more. Thank you for sharing.

      1. Oh I promise I’ll be pissing many off here…..media ? Spineless as well. So….I plan to draw from the roots of where I came from….boy oh boy I promise I have a story. It’s getting told. I come from SC where corruption I thought was at its worst. Check out Propublica and SC judges. But MA takes it to a different level of deceit, money, and yes RE-traumatization , as if to capitalize upon it with intention. I ain’t going anywhere , I got news for all of em. Either I’m making the paper or they…way this fish gon’ be fried. Taking that to my grave even if they digging it. I. Don’t. Care. 🙂 Waves…not ripples….oh welp.

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