Monday’s Thoughts: Finding Wings On The Way Down Day 1

Findings Wings On The Way Down

Your thoughts become you. Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right! I want a positive mindset and think only good thoughts. But I can’t.

Hidden beneath the surface is anger swelling inside me—my past haunts. The immediate future is hazy, with clouds all around. Free falling, searching for wings while compartmentalizing fear. That’s life in survival mode.

Will I land hard, or will I find wings?


Author: Angela Grant

Angela Grant is a medical doctor. For 22 years, she practiced emergency medicine and internal medicine. She studied for one year at Harvard T. H Chan School Of Public Health. She writes about culture, race, and health.

12 thoughts on “Monday’s Thoughts: Finding Wings On The Way Down Day 1

  1. Should fear be compartmentalized, processed, or confronted? A few years ago, I would have confidently said, face your fears after processing. However, it depends on context. They are strategies, and each day I decide which one to use. Sometimes, it’s stagnating to process fear, and in that case, it’s hard to face. For me, compartmentalization is a temporary fix until I feel strong.

    Anger is a symptom of fear. That means the anger swelling inside me is partly from fear. Anger blinds me, and I cannot see what is in plain sight.

  2. How can I control the anger and rage quelling my light? Turn down the noise and be you. In the past, anger motivated me to be stronger and to fight harder. Sometimes, I was even creative. That’s not the case today. The anger and rage inside blind me, so I can’t see or think. However, I see Tufts Medical Center did the damage and I paid. I will never get over what they did to me and how the liberal state of MA designed its systems to harm people who look like me.

  3. I understand why people go postal. I also understand why someone would strap a bomb to their body and walk up to their enemy. These are the lessons I’ve learned from living in New England for over 30 years. I’ve learned to hate and to despise with a smile.

    I don’t understand why people who look like me don’t go postal or become suicide bombers? Is it fear of the afterlife or desire to protect the family and other people who look like me? I believe it’s not in my culture to harm innocent people.

  4. Reading your poetic prose, an inner voice told me: “It’s expressing violent serenity”

    Like it is with grief, fear and anger are fed by love that has no way to go.

      1. On July 28 last I quoted a woman on my FB page who wrote: “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Today, after having read your comments here, I extended this to fear and anger. Imprisoned love wants to escape from its horrible jail, but it can’t. It’s locked up in a heartless, hypocritical, and violent society that doesn’t care about your love. But it had to get out. So your love disguised itself and that way succeeded to get out.

        1. Hmmm… my anger is imprisoned. I can’t express it. As for society, I’ve learned to despise with a smile. I still don’t understand where you see love.

          1. Having read your writings in Cyberspace for many years now, I can say that at least part of your anger is not imprisoned at all, but roaming the Earth freely☺️

            Re: Love. I’m speculating that love sits in every human being from the moment it’s pushed out of the womb. Unfortunately, this love is buried by all kinds of so-called values, norms, regulations, and imposed ways of behavior, in the society in which it has ended up and where love is propagated theoretically but of which it is not so noticeable in practice. This happens especially in societies where morality is mainly based on the “Original Sin” a.k.a. “The Fall”. Though suppressed, love persists, desperately seeking all sorts of ways out to make itself known. Often this is done by adopting a disguise that is seen as normal in the society in question (e.g. anger). Yes, its energy has to find a way out, no matter in what form.

            This disguise can even, by mainstream standards, be the opposite of love. This can be quite disturbing and confusing at first, but it can, depending on the person in question, sometimes change and become understandable to the person concerned, and even embraced. I’ll give you an example from a personal experience, which btw was also posted by me on FB once. So maybe you already know it☺️

            I was taught that hate was the opposite of love, and love the opposite of hate. And for a while I believed this to be true. Till one day………………I hated someone so much that I fell deeply in love with her. From that moment on I loved my hate. And it made me explosively horny too. The sex that followed was beyond passion, lust, and the love I believed was love.

            I can find no words to describe what really went on between us, except that it was primal, raw, and in the end creating one mind, one body, one conscious unconsciousness, all embedded in one Gestalt. ➿

            Later, although we hated it, the dissection of the body was deliciously painful, and making us feeling exquisite wonderful. 💕 <<<

            1. I don’t know what you see, but I never intended to enlarge part of my text this silly way. WordPress at it’s best I guess (again) 😈

            2. I think I get it. But I still have doubts about my love imprisoned. I feel imprisoned because I am powerless to fight. Why? Because I am Black and society don’t gaf about Black Lives.

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