Yup, I am bored. My life is still dull despite the turmoil. I do what I can to reduce the chaos and wait.
A couple of years after the head injury, I became addicted to a game where I spent vast sums of money. I am embarrassed to say. I hated the game, but it gave me something to do at $100 per pack. More importantly, I could escape reality 24/7 except to use the bathroom or eat. Often, I would forgo eating to have enough money to play. It took my time, my money, and almost my sanity. Fortunately, I got bored and left for the final time over two years ago. Boredom and frustration with life kept me going back.
I justified wasting my time and money by calling it game therapy. In some ways, it was. It taught the new me to communicate. I was able to observe social interactions and role play. The game was a dangerously addicting war game where I could vent my aggression.
That was a scary time partly because I didn’t understand why I was doing what I did. I was playing games instead of paying bills. Eventually, I shared my bank statements with the neurologist, who offered to help in any legal endeavor to recover the money I wasted. He used a term to describe how the game exploited people like me. I’m not sure how I broke the addiction, but playing that game 24/7 was one of the many self-sabotaging things I did post-head trauma. It made my insomnia and anxiety worse.
Before TBI, I filled my hours reading books and engaging with people in the real world. After TBI, my vision mysteriously became terrible in the right eye. I continued to read at least one book a month, but I stopped the routine when my eyes started to burn while reading at night.
So much packing still to do, and I am bored to death. Go figure.