well-being – Failure to Listen

Sunday’sMeme: Help Others

This quote is the antithesis of today’s values where we devour those in need, take advantage of them and squeeze the very life from their body.

Well-Being: Strategies To Adjust To Other People

Feeling stronger makes me more productive. Soon I will want to be around people again. That means adjusting to other people. Last summer’s attempt without a transition after years of solitude was a lesson that to live among other people, I need strategies.

Those years of medically induced PTSD make me fear the prospect of entering the world again will cause much stress, it did last summer. Despite this fear, ongoing obstacles, and unexpected medical speed bumps, I’m ready…I think.

At birth, we naturally adjust to our environment so why am I fearful of a naturally acquired trait? After years of withdrawing from the world and cutting people out of my life to reduce stress, returning to the outside world to socialize and network with other people is challenging especially without the masks acquired over the years.

To help me adjust, I developed a short list of strategies that thus far seem to work. While using these strategies, I noticed staying out longer, going out multiple times in one day and a desire to be with people. This is enormous and a sign that I am indeed on the road to recovery.

The strategies are:

1. Stop, Look and Listen
2. Be Kind or Avoid
3. My Time Is Valuable, spend it wisely
4. Take Breaks

1. Stop, Look And Listen

Don’t be in a rush, slow down and take time to look around. Observe with all my senses to understand the surroundings.

A good doctor is an excellent observer. Doctors learn to Stop, Look and Listen and touch (medical term palpate). That is the basis of a physical exam. Outside of the physical exam touch is a no-no.

#StopLookAndListen forces me to observe, be cautious and learn the lay of the land.

2. Be Kind Or Avoid

I catch more flies with honey than vinegar. In person, always be kind, a smile helps. If I can’t be kind:

-Delay the interaction until I am well rested or if possible avoid altogether,
-Ask someone to be an intermediary,
-Set and stick with an agenda

It’s a good principle to be kind to everyone even those who seem insignificant. If they are in my life, keep it civil.

The outside world is full of evil people. Based on the Iceberg theory, evil cannot be seen. Avoid or reduce contact with people who make me uncomfortable or who bring out the negative side of me.

#BeKindOrAvoid lets me develop strategic friendships with uplifting or inspiring people.

3. Time Is Valuable

Time is often overlooked and undervalued. If someone takes time to give directions or be civil, show appreciation or carry it forward. I have to remember my time is valuable too, spend it wisely. With a limited amount of time, spend time with people who bring out the best side of me and avoid people who bring out the worst. In the past, the latter was a telltale sign of a bad relationship.

#TimeIsValuable reminds me of my value and that my time matters.

4. Take Breaks

Take regularly scheduled time away from people. I live in an area where I don’t belong or fit in. No one is coming to rescue me. I have little in common with the people around me. As a single working mom with young children, I was too busy to notice. Now my children are older, when I #StopLookAndListen the difference is glaring. I don’t belong here yet I can appreciate the environment.

Having time alone is crucial to my sanity. I know I already have too much time alone yet that seems better than the alternatives.

#TakeBreaks for time alone keeps me balanced in my environment.

Adjusting to other people is no cakewalk but the above strategies work to reduce my stress levels. If you can think of different ways to adapt while keeping stress levels low, please share in the comment section.

XXX

This section of Well-being is new. I will write about adjusting to a missed diagnosis of head trauma at Tufts Medical Center. That missed diagnosis changed my life forever with subsequent medical and cognitive issues living nightmares. My road to recovery will be shared in this section.

Source of Image: Pinterest

Head Trauma: Finding The Silver Lining

Is there a silver lining to traumatic brain injury? Does head trauma come with benefits? I didn’t think so until my youngest shared his wisdom.
I was lamenting the loss of my photogenic memory when my youngest son said, “Mom, you’re lucky. You can choose to remember only the good times and forget the bad times.” Until then I never thought about my annoying memory loss in that way. There was a silver lining in losing my memory.

Once I came clean on the memory loss issue, I slowly regained control of many aspects of my life. I was no longer afraid to socialize in public. My mind was no longer focused on recalling noise or things I wasn’t interested or passionate about. Today, the head trauma comes in handy. It gives me an out when I don’t feel like being bothered. I can just say I forget and most of the times it’s the truth. To think of the suffering I endured in trying to hide the injury. Honesty is best the policy when it comes to your health.

Some people are passionate about recalling names. Unless it’s someone who’ll become part of my life, I quickly forget names. Learning to manage my limited and vanishing memory cells is no small feat. It enabled me to function at a higher level, and I hope that will preserve and protect my memory cells.

I freed my mind to focus on things I love to do, when I accepted the diagnosis of traumatic brain injury. No longer did I sit in a corner worrying about the things I couldn’t remember or the humiliation at losing my train of thought in the middle of making a point, a very important one.

Ironically, all my working life I slaved away to someday enjoy the luxury of a middle-class American family. Today making markedly less, I am finally beginning to live the life of my dreams. Now it could be that I don’t remember the life I dreamed about, but who cares I am at peace.

The past is fuzzy! With triggers and reminders, recalling events from the distant past become easier. The terrible memories of failures and rejections muted, and current shortcomings quickly overlooked. The silver lining is that I forget the impossibility of an outcome and focus on its possibilities, meaning I have a can do attitude until I start to do and fatigue or brain fog sets in.

With fewer connections, less money and less power, I am making the best of the situation. Today, I use a shopping service to get groceries. I get a manicure and pedicure regularly (I am now overdue). I go to Boston to get my hair done at least twice a month. I pamper myself. When I worked full-time, I didn’t have the time to do so. Having to make money prevented me from enjoying it.

Head injury sure knocked some sense into me, isn’t that a silver lining?